What Makes Me Worthy of Giving YOU advice? MY RELATIONSHIPS

I DO IT BECAUSE I CAN

Dear anonymous writer who questions my ability to give worthy advice,

You so boldly expressed to me that I am somehow not qualified to give relationship advice and that I must be single to respond the way I do. So, because you question my knowledge on relationships and feel that I am not being "fair" when I respond... you gave me a much more enticing subject for you and my faithful readers to share, my relationships. Here are my past serious and not so serious relationships..starting from my first love to the last guy I've dated. This way, you can all see what I have experienced in life, in relationships and what I learned from them. It is also the reason why I feel it is beyond important to share advice with my family and friends so that they can feed off my knowledge and make their own decisions on how to handle their lives. Names are changed to protect the identity of my life.

"Oscar"- At the age of 15, I met my first love in Puerto Rico. He was nearly ten years older than me and was kept a secret from my family for about a year. Yes, my relationship was young and you would probably say not real but this is what it was. We did choose to have a long-distance relationship and to most people this is not a relationship, however, he was my first love and we never had an issue. Our only problem was that we were too far from each other and eventually he gave up and said it wasn't worth it anymore.... 2years of a relationship where he flew to Chicago and I flew to PR and him showing me the significance of a relationship all gone because we couldn't come to an agreement on who moves where. At the age of (18-19?), it was over. My memory is vivid of age but that is near accurate....Anyways, Its not easy to find real love, and when your in the most blinded moment in life your too stupid, young and naive to realize that it was there all along. I gave him all of me and he found it to easy to let go. He proposed to me, bought me a car and promised me forever. When your as young as I was, forever was kind of scary.

"Jorge"- When they tell you, "Keep Your Friends Close, but Your Enemies Closer," they lied. My enemy was sitting there looking at me and secretly craving a chance to ruin my relationship and they succeeded. He allowed his "friends" and what I thought was mine to poison his head with lies. It's amazing that a perfectly acted out lie was so convincing and ended up being the start to the end of my relationship. Jorge was my Casanova, he swept me off of my feet and showed me how a woman should be treated. I was the diamond on the shelf and he made sure I knew that. At the age of 19 I guess I was too foolish to realize the worth of our relationship. There were times we talked about running to city hall and getting married, moving in together and even thinking about our future by naming kids. The demise of our relationship began with my jealousy, fear and inability to let go of a broken heart and allowing it to heal. Mind you, he had his flaws as well. We argued over stupidity and I promised him I would never break his heart. He showed me a different kind of love, I never wanted to let go and we didn't allow ourselves to mature enough to see what we could have been. It was the toughest break-up I ever encountered because I knew that I didn't betray him but he thought and probably still believes I did. That ended almost when we reached a year.

"Leo"-  Family that intervenes in a relationship is what messed this one up. Little after six months of knowing Leo we moved to MO together so that I could be the chef I wanted to be. Well mistake #1 moving in with a man only after half a year. Then I became Pregnant after the end of that year. First of all, his sister and mother felt the necessity to include themselves in every aspect of his life, including personal decisions that he clearly could have done himself. It was so possessive and ridiculous that he lost sight that I was bearing his child and that the love he shows me was much more important then the opinions of his family. I admit, my jealousy carried over because of his constant urge to be virtually and physically connected to other woman. However, his tantrums and need to be a "mommas boy" and scared what his sister would think caused arguments that were beyond unbearable and unforgivable. I have a beautiful daughter because of him but the way it happened and how we got to where we did, without getting into detail, I could never forget. EVER

Those were my longest and most serious relationships, I've dated a few men after this and what I've realized it that from my past experiences ... I have made a complete 360 turn of my entire persona. The last guy I dated was a wake up call, I am not careless in relationships but I think my biggest problem is that I care too much. It's ironic that I was once a very insecure girl and now I just don't care if a man stays but at least provide me with an explanation of why things don't work. I will show a man I date that I am compassionate, down to earth, always going to be there when he needs me, I will pick up the phone if he calls, I will show him love and care for him. But apparently making yourself too available is too much.

A woman is to be comfortable in her own skin and I am.

My advice professional? NO
My advice worthy? YES

WHY? Because I learned from my mistakes and I am not perfect, but if there is one thing I have learned is that my family and friends benefit from my advice and call me when their happily engaged or suffering in pain... I know what it was to be happy and I know what it was to be poorly mistreated and I had the guts to pack my stuff and go. Yes, I am a single mother. Yes, I still have work to do for my own love life. I find myself able to cure everyone else but never worried about me. Right now, I don't need love; but if it finds me I'll be open and willing with a soft heart and a brick wall. I can give advice because I know the limits of it and I know it is my opinion. I might not always be right, but I'm damn near close to right. So, as long as my readers keep reading and the questions keep rolling in, I'll keep writing. I write because I can and because everything I've been through motivates me to encourage others not to give up and to let go of what isn't worth their time. I don't force anyone to make a decision and I just tell them how it is when nobody else is brave enough to tell the truth.

Yours Truly,
xoxoxo
   V