You Are Your Biggest Obstacle

Many people I know are always complaining about how they can't find love.
Majority of the time, its because they are so caught up in trying to find something wrong in the person...
They lose sight of what is really important.

Why?

Why are people so focused on finding the negative is someone instead of  learning to love someone for who they are? Simple, misery loves company. 

                     However, I have this to say.... This isn't a fairy tale, your not going to have prince charming on a horse save you from your evil stepmother, your girlfriend isn't going to be your slave and cater to every need, and most definitely do not expect perfection.

Insecurities, jealousy and respect has been words of value that have been misconstrued and vanished from importance. People do become insecure with their own bodies and appearance. People do have some kind of protective instincts towards the person they care about, and will get jealous once in a while. Respect is hard to come by nowadays..its unfortunate.. but if you want it.. give it!

Here's the problem:

Over analyzing situations- Why do people make things a big deal when they really aren't? Thinking they already know whats going on and they never really did and don't.

Over jealous- Jealousy can get really petty and usually drives the other person to cheat a lot quicker, give trust and i'm almost certain you'll have a more faithful partner.

Too Insecure-  So insecure you spend hours trying to get ready or put on an act to impress someone, truth is: if someone is going to love you, its for you. It's good to look nice but they'll have to see you at your worse.. eventually.

Afraid- Quit being scared to live life, do spontaneous things, go on adventures and live on the edge. If your always stuck inside ..your not giving yourself the option of getting to know someone.

In one lump sum, When your picking and pricking, yelling and screaming, crying and sad, afraid and hidden; truth is, your pushing away any good chance of happiness for yourself.. Its time to let things just be..

When you keep digging in to deep, you'll find things you don't like... Most likely, you'll let all those things consume your opinion on someone .. you learn to live off the drama and forget to gain love. Stop being so uptight and just learn to love and be you. 

This is my blunt, forward and truthful opinion

Yours Truly,

XOXOXO

V

Are Title's Necessary?

Are Title's Really Necessary or Are They Just Ruining Relationships?

Truth is reader: I really didn't want to respond to this because my opinion is really something that most men agree with and majority women are going to hate me for saying, however, you asked and my responsibility is to answer and because you're awesome I'm going to respond. ha-ha okay so here's what I think.....

     If you just started dating- If your relationship is nowhere near matured yet, it probably hasn't been going on very long, MAYBE just a few months or less; I believe that these are the beginning stages of getting to know an individual. For this reason, be clear with each others intentions and ask what they are looking for in each other, Are "we" getting to know each other so that we can eventually produce a better relationship? Are "we" seeing other people? Are "we" just going to do things for fun? Are "we" going to just go with the flow? Do "we" want things to eventually escalate?  BE CAREFUL, how you approach this question to the person you are dating because it can either scare them away from you, rush things or confuse things. So NO, at this point you don't need a title. Let nature take its course and continue getting to know each other before moving too fast. Refer to my previous blog-  "Don't rush the relationship, Get to Know each other." I think that as long as you come to an agreement that is compromising to the both of you and you agree to a way of doing things then, baby steps. 


If You've Been Dating For Almost A Year or Over-  Baby steps at this point with not even a boyfriend/girlfriend reference might be pushing it a little too long. I know if your committed to that person and only seeing that person then a title isn't necessary, but a boyfriend/girlfriend title is comfort to a lot of people. You see security with the title and a larger respect for each other. You  no longer become that person the he/she is messing with, but you end up someone he/she is proud to call her man or his woman. They want to show you off and feel comfortable doing it. So, my suggestion at this point of the relationship, determine if your boyfriend/girlfriend or move on. Don't mislead the other person for a whole year either, because it does take a lifetime before you can actually get to know someone fully, so waiting for that I don't know him/her well enough excuse might be a dumb idea and you should let them move on if you were never interested in a serious relationship to begin with. 


You are Boyfriend/Girlfriend- If you've only been bf/gf for a year, don't rush to the alter.. I've said this before. There is no rush in this. TO many it is just a piece of paper that proves the unity of two people binding their love together and to others its a way of proving their commitment to each other. I think, that a marriage is a complicated subject because I have contradicting opinions at times. Sometimes, I believe a marriage gets to peoples heads and let that ruin their relationship. Others, appreciate the marriage to live their lives together the way they always have. Many cases a baby, possibility of losing each other, legalization, loneliness, fear, and soft vulnerable hearts rush people to the alter and most likely end in divorce. Like I have said previously and I will repeat to you is that, let things just happen. If your love is large enough and marriage is something that occurs because you naturally want to spend the rest of your life with someone, and will work hard enough to save that marriage through anything, then great. But make sure your not doing it just for the title.


Finally, are titles necessary? In the beginning, No. All it does at the first stages is ruin relationships because your so focused on the title your forget about learning the great things about each other. After a few years or so have passed, then Yes. You can't be just a friend with benefits that long.




Yours Truly,
xoxoxoxox
      V

"Women lie, Men lie"

What Constitutes The Limits To a Lie?

The truth is everyone lies whether we like to accept the reality of it or not. A lot of times it has nothing to do with keeping a secret, but because not all things need to be told. I think:  That if your bf/gf had to change up a story or just not mention something to you over various amounts of times, it is probably because he/she knows that telling you the whole truth means, an argument, and just so that you stay happy and don't make anything into a big deal then as far as I'm concerned I wouldn't say anything either. 

d

I know when your being lied to over and over and the lies are escalated to a cheater, a thief or a completely 100% non-lovable individual... Then here's why they lie......Because you make it to easy for them to do so. 

1. *If he/she is cheating on you its because you either failed at being a good bf/gf or your so blind to have missed the signs that it was too easy to do it. 
2. * If he/she is lying about their whereabouts its probably because you were too controlling in the first place and you made it difficult to have freedom.
3. *If he/she are repulsive liars and insensitive then maybe you genuinely have a jerk who doesn't deserve you.

The bottom line is that I am not implying that a liar has a reason to lie, because some liars are just compulsive jerks who have no consideration for the person they are with.

However, my OPINION why people lie is because they are too afraid to approach the truth of being judged or treated differently. 

AND

Because we just and most simply CAN.

Nothing can justify a true lie, once you lied you've already lied.. No need to keep thriving off that lie. Lying becomes natural to a disease..when you do it so much it can consume your life and the only way your happy is if the natural born lies are created into daily aspects. Don't do this to yourself nor be around someone who is like this. The negative future that is ahead of you is a interference of true and sincere happiness.

A WHITE LIE:

There has been constant argument that a white lie is still a lie and no matter what, you should be punished for it. I disagree. I think that some things in a relationship are better kept unsaid. I don't think the person you are with has to know every little thought in your brain. Example: If your girl looks fat in her jeans and ask you if she does, you'll probably say, "baby you look great." I don't think that is too bad of a lie to argue about. Its natural and she probably knows she looks fat anyway because she wouldn't have been asking you if she thought she looked sexy in her outfit. I think that there is some mental space and opinionated situations that should and is acceptable to be kept to yourself.

I do not encourage compulsive liars, I do not agree with cheaters, I do not think that you should create scenarios to pretend one thing never happened.. but....

A lot of times lies are created because someone is too controlling, not there for you like they should be or just simply because they don't really love you or your too far from them to care if it hurts you. Some lies are cries for attention and those are signs to wake up and take care of the home front. 

Really, I can't tell you exactly why people lie... the truth of the matter is..Everyone does it.

Yours Truly,

XOXOXOXO

V

Why would you want love that doesn't really exist

Dear Readers:

  In most current successes in life, I have learned to gain the utmost respect for those who are able to withstand a failing and dead-end relationship. In too many cases I have been the witness to a marriage and a relationship where only one person is actually in love and the other is just there, to be there. 

The Big Question? WHY?

For the ones who fall  in love...

It makes no sense to force someone into a relationship where they are unable to love you the same way you love them. The truth is that everyday your together is everyday you are living a lie.  You might be truly and completely in love/infatuated/ obsessed/ in lust or whatever it is, but  if the other person only wanted you for one thing to begin with, and it was clear that in the beginning a relationship was not apart of the agenda.... You should just let go.  If its love and its meant to be, it will come back, otherwise if they said they don't love you... guess what?  They don't.

In every heart there is a maze and a question, its really hard for many individuals to really be themselves 100%, and sometimes it takes that one person to love you more than you need them to, just so that hidden person in you is brought out to shine. It's unfortunate that in many cases that love doesn't become mutual, but you were probably sent to be in that persons life for that specific purpose. I don't want to say that the way things turn out is Karma, but there has been reason to believe that a heart is broken because you were the one who broke a heart in the past. Love is giving a person your heart fully, trusting them enough not to break your heart....but more importantly to always keep it. 

I think....

That when love is sincere, mutual, patient, kind, warm, and not rushed one bit.. Its when it becomes the most successful. I have this way of thinking now, and its let nature take its own course. Whats meant to be just happens! We are human, we make mistakes and sometimes it takes a few lessons and heartbreaks to understand the true virtue of love.. and that is what ultimately makes it special. You gain the trust of a friendship without a secret motive of making this person yours, but simply knowing them as a person, slowly you produce a relationship that is strong enough to build itself, with trust, honesty, sincerity, and passion.. that creates love... not an attachment.

In the end,

Love can't pretend to love you

Love can't lie to you,

Love doesn't want you to find it,

it wants you to feel it...

Love isn't going to make you second guess,

Love doesn't become something you thirst,

Love is patient,

Love is kind,

Love will sometimes hurt,

Love will challenge you,

Love will embrace you...

Love catches you off guard. 

Love is never rushed or altered.

Yours Truly, 

XOXOX

V