"Its The Inside That Counts"

"People always say its what is in the inside that counts. Is that why men just want go inside no matter the appearance"

Although this was said jokingly, this is how most women feel. I can't speak too much on behalf of men on this subject, but what do we look for in someone, if no matter what, we'll always find imperfection? 

So, no matter what happens, we all eventually want to have Mr./Mrs Right sitting next to us when we get old. Someone you know will always love you and fight through the struggles of life together. The truth is, nobody is perfect. 

So what do we look for? Ladies this is what I think we should look for:

1. Sincerity - You want someone who is going to be able to be sincere when you are at your at your best/worse. Don't stay with someone who doesn't want to be there for you. For example, we see this in movies: If your dog is being put to sleep, maybe he should be there with you. 

2. Genuine - Look for someone who is free from pretense and hypocrisy. Example: if he says he won't  lie to you and does. 

3. Patience - Someone who doesn't rush you into things. Example: Sex

4. Acceptance - He doesn't try to change you or if your a mother, accepts that    have you kids.

If he's sexy and possesses all of these qualities, that's a plus. However, there is many other things you should pay attention to. Or at least, I would. Make sure he's a clean person. Filthy men who don't take care of their own bodies or houses is a big no no. If you want a relationship, learn about his family, ask questions and get to know him. You might and will find things about him you don't like. Ladies, do not be over analytical about the little things that could obviously change if a potential relationship were to escalate. Although, if you see red flags that pertain to screaming, abuse or anything that shows he will not treat you right. RUN! Especially, extreme jealousy. Please don't look back. He is not going to change.

Ladies look for someone who can truly love you for you and nothing else. 

I really don't know what men look for... So, At this point I'll take it for a whirl:

1. Be a Lady - I don't think men are looking for a ghetto, filthy mouthed, promiscuously dressed individual. He wants someone he can introduce to his mom and be proud to call his girl

2. Jealousy - Don't question him about everything, there is nothing a man hates more than feeling controlled by a woman. 

3. Support - They want someone to be supportive of their lives, dream or ideas. Don't put them down. 

I don't know anything else a man wants, I think if I did , I wouldn't be single. Hahaha 

So, GENTLEMAN please help me out with this for our lady readers, what does a man look for in a woman to make it official? If the inside is what counts then what is it woman are doing wrong?

Yours Truly,
XoXo
Vivian

She's Cheating on You Because Your Too Good/Nice

Truth Is: Woman Like  A Challenge

Dear Good Guys:

      For many years I have heard this be a constant reminder to men to not be nice at all. I'd like to say that the reason you are being cheated is on; is because your being too nice. Don't get me wrong, its a great quality to be a nice guy, but don't be "overnice." When a woman knows she can have you, can pull the strings and do whatever she wants, its exactly what she will do. Reason being, she knows that you'll be right there even if she did wrong. I'd say your choosing the wrong girls and you simply need to look beyond beauty, and find someone who can sincerely treat you the way you should be treated, but....

If the problem is your too good/nice, I say get a backbone and be a jerk. Yes, be a jerk to the girl. Do not be an abusive "asshole," but be the guy she has to look for to get a date. 

Problem #1  You make yourself too available: She calls you at random times to pour her heart out and you never miss her call, she asks you to go do stuff for her and you do it, she can come see you whenever she wants and your always going to be there...Finally, she tells you about her MONEY problems and you fix them. (Gold-digger)

      Solution: Don't always worry about her calling you or how she is feeling, go out with your boys and live your life. It doesn't always have to be about her. However, if she doesn't do it often and she wants to talk, give her a few minutes to talk, but don't try to be her dad and solve the issues of her world.

Don't always be at her service, she has to legs and two feet; let her do it for herself

Don't have such an open door policy, your not married, she doesn't have to be all over you.

Problem #2 She continues to lie to you and you forgive her: Don't be stupid, she is pulling your strings because she knows exactly how to make her puppet talk. 

      

Problem #3 She never picks up your calls, but will text you: She's out doing things she doesn't want you to hear, and you still accept the "I Miss You" texts.

I'm not going into all of the signs, but I will tell you this. It is okay to be nice, because we like that a man is able to listen to us when we want to rant and be there for us intimately, emotionally and can joke around with us to just have fun. I'm not saying to be a complete jerk either, don't be the guy that has sex with the girl and not call the next day. 

I'm simply saying not to make it all about her, when you are able to make your other life priorities important,besides her. She'll be crawling for your attention and care much more. It is sad, but true.  But, if she cheats move one.  

Every woman is different, and there might be other reasons why she cheated, but good guys always finish last. 

My verdict. 

Felt like I left something out?! Tell me about it

xoxoxo 

Yours Truly

Vivian

Is Texting so Important That You NEED to Do It While Your On a Date??!!?

Omg girl, I'm out on a date right now!

Is the conversation on the other end of the phone, really that important?  Does your Facebook app absolutely have to be on notifications? Ummm, I don't think so. 

Ladies and Gentleman if your on a date, put your phone away. Put it on silent, in your purse/pocket and pay attention to the person your with. There is nothing more insulting than being in a middle of a conversation and you pick up your phone. Might as well tell the person to their face, "Your really boring me, and I'm sure the person who just called or text me has something a lot more interesting to say."

Yup, That's how it feels. Your friends/buddies/family or whatever can wait until your done being on your date, even if it does mean you'll be gone until the next day. You could always excuse yourself to the restroom and check your phone if you feel the absolute necessity to do so, this way "in case of an emergency"causes are out the door. 

DINNER ETIQUETTE-either way it is rude.  

If you don't want to be on the date and rather be doing something else, then get up and go do it. Don't waste the other persons time.It drives me absolutely crazy when this happens. You can't make a person feel more unwanted on a date then this. I'm guilty of this too, I'm sure.  But, I've realized that it is not the right thing to do. 

Yours Truly,

Vivian

xoxoxo

Cheating Is NEVER Acceptable

"Baby, it didn't mean anything; I don't know what I was thinking I love you."
Way too many people have fallen for these words. Especially, "I will never do it again."

Honestly people why are you so naive to believe that this is true. As personal experience, if I cheat once I know I could easily do it twice. Afterwards, I'm well aware I can continously get away with it, i'll keep doing it. Someone told me that amoungst men it is acceptable, what kind of male egotistical crap is that. So, if a woman cheats, she's a whore. But, if a man does it, he's just being a man.

"Once a player, always a player."

My favorite: "Don't hate the player, Hate the game." * and yourself for falling for it :)

Ummmmmmmm, NO. Man or woman you had the nerve to break your significant others trust, lie, decieve and CHEAT then the only collective feeling that should be processed through your itty bitty brain is SHAME.

If your not satisfied with who your with or feel the need to explore new things, just leave who your with. Evidentally, you are not in love with the person if you've had the audasity to cheat. No, there is no forgiving the person because you love them sooo much. He/She had a moment with someone else where you weren't even a thought to them and your still thinking about their well being, uhh no.

Married couples are even worse at this. I know divorces are expensive and the paperwork is tideous, but get over it and do it. Your sitting there letting yourself be played because you need security in your life, grow up and take on the world by yourself. Obviously the person who cheated has shown you they don't need you, so what you need to do is show them the same sentiment.

Yours truly,
xoxoxo
Vivian

Sex Is Important!

It takes a lot to maintain a relationship, even if you are just dating. You first start to get to know the person and then you realize there is some little things that you just don't like. Sometimes, that is okay. The little things don't always matter. However, too many who've I asked, if you suck in bed and the sex sucks, YOU GOTTA GO. 

Yes, I said it. To most ladies if you can't get it in the right way, make her scream, grab the sheets, pull her hair, rock her bed or put her on her own planet; it is not going to work.You have a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets, you better keep her interested. Admit it guys, if you can't give your lady a good orgasm, she'll find it somewhere else. So, we ladies decide to just dump you to spare you the barrier of bad news of being a bad lover. You know you wouldn't want to be with a girl that you can't satisfy. Shoot, she doesn't want to be with you.

LADIES, we do not stand behind. If you can't put it down, make it roll, or its takes you so long to make him burst and his hard on has disappeared; its deuces to us! 

SEX is absolutely important in a relationship whether many prefer to admit it or not. There is no way I will marry a man who doesn't satisfy me in bed. I won't cheat on you, but I'll be gone. Other things might matter the most and that is true, but come on we all need loving. Especially, if you neglect me for months at a time.

AND

Women and Men, keep it clean down there for goodness sake, nobody wants to be there if you smell like a damn wet dog. You wanna get laid, mow the lawn. Or better yet, do not talk so much. I'm sure many can agree if your talking, the concentration of feeling the satisfaction has completely disappeared. 

Readers: what do you think?! Is this not true?

XOXO

Your Truly,

Viviana
 

                                                                      

Well You Want To Date Someone Who Belongs/Belonged to Someone Else.. Hmmmmmmmm

 

ETHICS

Primary focus is the result of this subject being absolutely morally unestablished. It also require minimal explanation. If someone you are potentially interested in has dated a friend or family member, no! Hold on, NO NO NO NO NO. Do not even keep thinking about it. 

It will destroy any relationship you have with your friend/family and it is unethical. That's all I have to say to that question. Sorry reader, but the answer is self-explanatory. NO! 

Xoxo

Your Truly,
Vivian

So You Love Someone Who Doesn't Love You Back

So the person you love is in love with someone else, and clearly his/hers someone else doesn't love him/her. My first and initial response is forget it. Don't stop reading now, just let me explain. 

You love this person for a reason and they probably have you right where they need you. You offer something more to them that the other person he/she is with can not possible give him/her. However, before this gets extremely confusing allow me to clarify. You are probably there for this person whenever you are needed and when they need a shoulder to cry on, an ear to vent in or a smile to make them laugh; you are the first superhero to the rescue. 

The fact that this significant other of the person you love doesn't love him/her is not your concern. If he/she have taken the option of suffering with someone who doesn't care, then that is ultimately not your problem. Eventually, he/she will learn the hard way. Sometimes they never get out of the relationship, because controlling, abusive, demanding and ridiculous couples are usually in the relationship because its what attracts them to staying. Unfortunately, it is sadly common that someone stays with someone they don't love because they strongly believe that is as good as it gets. 

As for the person stuck in this triangle loving the person who is in love with the bad guy, you need to get on your pogo stick and bounce. He/she might never love you, if they ever start to, it will be too late. It's not something you want or choose to hear but he/she will have to figure it out sometime. The longer you stick around hoping this would ever work, the longer you are sticking around hurting yourself. Don't be the guy/girl to allow your heart to be smashed on and beat. That is exactly what will happen even if he/she starts a relationship with you. I'm sorry but no happy ending story in this scene. 

XOXO
Yours Truly
  V-NANA

You want ALL the attention; what a shame!

        The last time I checked its not all about one person. I know you want to feel like your the most important part of your other persons life, but cut it out. Especially if you are just dating I think it is most crucial to create a boundary. Limit yourself to the amount of attention that you try to suck up from the other person or else you will most certainly be portraying yourself as desperate.


First of all do not mislead the other person. What I mean is; if you are constantly on the daily basis in sync with this person don't just automatically cut it off and then assume their not going to think something is wrong. They will try to analyze every move you make after. Now for the analytical individual on the other side, relax! Please do not stalk the person. Call once and leave a voice mail,  if he/she don't call you back don't send a text again or call again.. just wait!

Let them spend time with friends if he/she tells you they're going to have a night out with friends, you should leave it at that. Don't try to make him/her feel guilty for not inviting you, don't ask to come along, don't over think the situation and accuse him/her of being with someone else. Its simple let them have fun, don't suffocate the love space. Now if it becomes something consistent and you've NEVER met his/her friends, their might not be any friends. Sorry.

Do not show up to their house unannounced you know the only reason why you decided to show up without calling or him/her is to "catch" them in the act. That is jealousy and your not his/her whole life! Take a chill pill. I know if someone I really liked was coming I'd want to make sure I look my best, I'm prepared for your presence, now if my he showed up and I'm not expecting it, I'd be upset and assume you just don't trust me.

So now that we've talked about not blowing up the phone, showing up unannounced and giving them their own time, would you overprotected, superficial, insecure individuals just leave it alone. I know your crazy head over heals for this person, but your not the only priority. We all have our own things to attend to.

He Tells You He'll Be Busy All Weekend and Won't Call

Now ladies we have all heard this one before....

Everything is going great! He calls you every morning and at night to say "hello" and keeps his conversations short and sweet, but then the weekend appears and guess what?! He is M.I.A! (Missing in Action)

      At this point you have to be utterly insane to continue thinking he cares. Where was he?! Europe?! If your phone is completely unable to function where ever he is that he can't shoot you a text or even a call, something seriously screams SIDE CHICK.

    Yeah Yeah Yeah, he cares about you and he holds you and he shows genuine interest, but somehow when you have time to hang out with him and spend quality time in conversation with him, he is suddenly too busy making plans with everyone else but you. 

     Eventually a  "its not you, its me" is sneaking around in your next conversation and he's got too much going on in his life. Blah Blah Blah

In all actuality, his true thoughts are. Thanks, the sex was good, glad you let me use you, my real girlfriend is waiting for me where ever it is I disappear to every weekend.. 

But, hey it was fun and I hope we can still be friends.. hahahahah yeah okay buddy!

If he is too busy to call, text, stop by and say hi, email or whatever means of communication he uses... He doesn't want to call or do any of those things. If he wanted to make time for you he would.. Point and blank

Yours Truly,

XOXO

   V

So your on your first date, what now?!

       So you have had your eye on this guy/girl and finally the first date has been established. The first thing you want to make sure of is that you are irresistibly attractive that night, speak the right way and pray that you don't say anything to make that person run in the other direction. So you stack up the perfume, find the best outfit, eat slow and you even pretend to care about things you never thought about before. 
             
       DO NOT- Talk about your ex!
***Ladies and gentleman please be realistic. If this other person was interested enough in you to have a first date why will you continue to rant about your past relationship? Obviously it failed and that is the exact reason why you have decided to move on, save the rest for another occasion like when this person is actually serious about you. (unless they ask, but still..keep it short)
           
     DO NOT- Sleep Together (If your trying to be serious).
***Easy! Self explanatory, if your are looking for a sex buddy great!! skip the date and just take off your clothes , no reason to beat around the bush. However, if you are looking for Mr. Right or your future Mrs. I'd suggest you wait a few months at least. 
           
     DO NOT- Ask how much money the person makes.
***That reads Gold-digger and I know I do not want anyone trying to munch off my hard-working money.  
           
    DO NOT- Go to a movie
***What is the point of a first date if you  can't even talk to each other and get to know each other?
          
   DO NOT-  Bring your really hot friend along as a third wheel
***He/She will no longer be interested in you.. and that is just plain stupid 


 DO's


  DO- Ask questions
***Find out if your into this person, ask about hobbies and interests in life. Future goals, short-term goals. Its absolutely good to know if you share anything in common as oppose to making yourself a commodity. 


  DO- Dress appropriately
*** Ladies do not wear anything that screams slut or old lady... Gentleman-be just that.. don't look raggedy or like your going to a wedding...stay in the middle. 
  
 Most importantly; be yourself and have fun. The entire point of dating is to find that right person and if you see things you just don't like, don't ignore them they might cause a major issue in the future. Although, keep in mind not to be over analytic. 


XoXo
Yours Truely
V