Are men really looking for the girl to take home to mom?

A man wants you to love him, so you give your all.
A man says he's tired of crazy women, so your as normal as you can be.
A man says he hates a golddigger, and you try to pay for everything.
A man says his kids are his gold, so you try to spoil them too.
A man says he needs space, so you keep your distance.
A man says they want a great girl, but he will let you go.
A man isn't a man when he can't just simply tell you exactly how it is.

What do men want?!

Well, the generation we are in, they have lost respect for the quality of a good woman. Actually, I blame a lot of it on the "easy" women. It is more like slut vs. marraige type, no matter who wins men seem to be dipping into both without realizing the damage they are causing or how maybe the only reason why they marry woman now is because woman demand it.
I shall expand on my idea:

FIRST EXAMPLE- A man and woman marry, they marry because an ultimatum was given to the man..... marry me or I'm leaving...blahh blahh blahhh. Now, man is married or is in "matromonial jail" and one day is out and meets a sexy, smart and "easy" woman to lure. Guess what, I can say 80% of these men wouldn't think twice and will make miss thang their side chick. Worse part is that many woman just don't care if a man is married or not anymore. Which makes it hard to not cheat for a man, the number one reason people cheat is because there is always someone there willing to do it. Side chick thinks she's in love and he's leaving wife, then man says I don't love you, I have to be with wife for the kids. Reality check ladies, he's on safe ground with his wife.... first of all, she probably already knows he's cheating because I think wives secretly just know and she's still there folding his clothes, cooking his dinners and going to bed with him at night; not you!

SECOND EXAMPLE- Man invites you over to his house and leads you to his bedroom... Scenario #1- He's a gentleman, cuddles with you and watches a movie, a possible second date :) Scenario #2- He jumps the gun, starts making out with you, takes off your clothes and next thing you know you are already having sex; your only meant to be a sex thing for him.. Scenario #3- He tells you after sex, I'm not looking for anything serious.... blah blah blah OMG same story. A man nowadays wants a woman they can toy with and not be worried about the drama they bring to their lives. So instead of keeping you happy, they keep you as a side chick knowing they have you at their sleeve and you'll do anything to try and convince him to be serious with you. Unfortunately, for the naive woman they get played and the man moves on to the next one.

I think, that marriage isn't in the cards anymore. It is difficult to meet someone who is serious about love, nonetheless, even looking for love. I don't think men care enough anymore about the keeper, because the "easy" woman is more than willing to give him all the cookies in the oven before he even walks into the kitchen. Why try to be serious about someone ( a woman ), if a woman doesn't care what comes next besides her wishful thinking. If having sex with a man determines if he stays or not then your not finding prince charming because your kissing the wrong frogs. Let go of the users and mistreaters and respect yourself if you want a man to respect you. Truth is: He doesn't want to be serious, he wants to do what he wants.

Yours Truly,
xoxox
V



What Makes Me Worthy of Giving YOU advice? MY RELATIONSHIPS

I DO IT BECAUSE I CAN

Dear anonymous writer who questions my ability to give worthy advice,

You so boldly expressed to me that I am somehow not qualified to give relationship advice and that I must be single to respond the way I do. So, because you question my knowledge on relationships and feel that I am not being "fair" when I respond... you gave me a much more enticing subject for you and my faithful readers to share, my relationships. Here are my past serious and not so serious relationships..starting from my first love to the last guy I've dated. This way, you can all see what I have experienced in life, in relationships and what I learned from them. It is also the reason why I feel it is beyond important to share advice with my family and friends so that they can feed off my knowledge and make their own decisions on how to handle their lives. Names are changed to protect the identity of my life.

"Oscar"- At the age of 15, I met my first love in Puerto Rico. He was nearly ten years older than me and was kept a secret from my family for about a year. Yes, my relationship was young and you would probably say not real but this is what it was. We did choose to have a long-distance relationship and to most people this is not a relationship, however, he was my first love and we never had an issue. Our only problem was that we were too far from each other and eventually he gave up and said it wasn't worth it anymore.... 2years of a relationship where he flew to Chicago and I flew to PR and him showing me the significance of a relationship all gone because we couldn't come to an agreement on who moves where. At the age of (18-19?), it was over. My memory is vivid of age but that is near accurate....Anyways, Its not easy to find real love, and when your in the most blinded moment in life your too stupid, young and naive to realize that it was there all along. I gave him all of me and he found it to easy to let go. He proposed to me, bought me a car and promised me forever. When your as young as I was, forever was kind of scary.

"Jorge"- When they tell you, "Keep Your Friends Close, but Your Enemies Closer," they lied. My enemy was sitting there looking at me and secretly craving a chance to ruin my relationship and they succeeded. He allowed his "friends" and what I thought was mine to poison his head with lies. It's amazing that a perfectly acted out lie was so convincing and ended up being the start to the end of my relationship. Jorge was my Casanova, he swept me off of my feet and showed me how a woman should be treated. I was the diamond on the shelf and he made sure I knew that. At the age of 19 I guess I was too foolish to realize the worth of our relationship. There were times we talked about running to city hall and getting married, moving in together and even thinking about our future by naming kids. The demise of our relationship began with my jealousy, fear and inability to let go of a broken heart and allowing it to heal. Mind you, he had his flaws as well. We argued over stupidity and I promised him I would never break his heart. He showed me a different kind of love, I never wanted to let go and we didn't allow ourselves to mature enough to see what we could have been. It was the toughest break-up I ever encountered because I knew that I didn't betray him but he thought and probably still believes I did. That ended almost when we reached a year.

"Leo"-  Family that intervenes in a relationship is what messed this one up. Little after six months of knowing Leo we moved to MO together so that I could be the chef I wanted to be. Well mistake #1 moving in with a man only after half a year. Then I became Pregnant after the end of that year. First of all, his sister and mother felt the necessity to include themselves in every aspect of his life, including personal decisions that he clearly could have done himself. It was so possessive and ridiculous that he lost sight that I was bearing his child and that the love he shows me was much more important then the opinions of his family. I admit, my jealousy carried over because of his constant urge to be virtually and physically connected to other woman. However, his tantrums and need to be a "mommas boy" and scared what his sister would think caused arguments that were beyond unbearable and unforgivable. I have a beautiful daughter because of him but the way it happened and how we got to where we did, without getting into detail, I could never forget. EVER

Those were my longest and most serious relationships, I've dated a few men after this and what I've realized it that from my past experiences ... I have made a complete 360 turn of my entire persona. The last guy I dated was a wake up call, I am not careless in relationships but I think my biggest problem is that I care too much. It's ironic that I was once a very insecure girl and now I just don't care if a man stays but at least provide me with an explanation of why things don't work. I will show a man I date that I am compassionate, down to earth, always going to be there when he needs me, I will pick up the phone if he calls, I will show him love and care for him. But apparently making yourself too available is too much.

A woman is to be comfortable in her own skin and I am.

My advice professional? NO
My advice worthy? YES

WHY? Because I learned from my mistakes and I am not perfect, but if there is one thing I have learned is that my family and friends benefit from my advice and call me when their happily engaged or suffering in pain... I know what it was to be happy and I know what it was to be poorly mistreated and I had the guts to pack my stuff and go. Yes, I am a single mother. Yes, I still have work to do for my own love life. I find myself able to cure everyone else but never worried about me. Right now, I don't need love; but if it finds me I'll be open and willing with a soft heart and a brick wall. I can give advice because I know the limits of it and I know it is my opinion. I might not always be right, but I'm damn near close to right. So, as long as my readers keep reading and the questions keep rolling in, I'll keep writing. I write because I can and because everything I've been through motivates me to encourage others not to give up and to let go of what isn't worth their time. I don't force anyone to make a decision and I just tell them how it is when nobody else is brave enough to tell the truth.

Yours Truly,
xoxoxo
   V

You Are Your Biggest Obstacle

Many people I know are always complaining about how they can't find love.
Majority of the time, its because they are so caught up in trying to find something wrong in the person...
They lose sight of what is really important.

Why?

Why are people so focused on finding the negative is someone instead of  learning to love someone for who they are? Simple, misery loves company. 

                     However, I have this to say.... This isn't a fairy tale, your not going to have prince charming on a horse save you from your evil stepmother, your girlfriend isn't going to be your slave and cater to every need, and most definitely do not expect perfection.

Insecurities, jealousy and respect has been words of value that have been misconstrued and vanished from importance. People do become insecure with their own bodies and appearance. People do have some kind of protective instincts towards the person they care about, and will get jealous once in a while. Respect is hard to come by nowadays..its unfortunate.. but if you want it.. give it!

Here's the problem:

Over analyzing situations- Why do people make things a big deal when they really aren't? Thinking they already know whats going on and they never really did and don't.

Over jealous- Jealousy can get really petty and usually drives the other person to cheat a lot quicker, give trust and i'm almost certain you'll have a more faithful partner.

Too Insecure-  So insecure you spend hours trying to get ready or put on an act to impress someone, truth is: if someone is going to love you, its for you. It's good to look nice but they'll have to see you at your worse.. eventually.

Afraid- Quit being scared to live life, do spontaneous things, go on adventures and live on the edge. If your always stuck inside ..your not giving yourself the option of getting to know someone.

In one lump sum, When your picking and pricking, yelling and screaming, crying and sad, afraid and hidden; truth is, your pushing away any good chance of happiness for yourself.. Its time to let things just be..

When you keep digging in to deep, you'll find things you don't like... Most likely, you'll let all those things consume your opinion on someone .. you learn to live off the drama and forget to gain love. Stop being so uptight and just learn to love and be you. 

This is my blunt, forward and truthful opinion

Yours Truly,

XOXOXO

V

Are Title's Necessary?

Are Title's Really Necessary or Are They Just Ruining Relationships?

Truth is reader: I really didn't want to respond to this because my opinion is really something that most men agree with and majority women are going to hate me for saying, however, you asked and my responsibility is to answer and because you're awesome I'm going to respond. ha-ha okay so here's what I think.....

     If you just started dating- If your relationship is nowhere near matured yet, it probably hasn't been going on very long, MAYBE just a few months or less; I believe that these are the beginning stages of getting to know an individual. For this reason, be clear with each others intentions and ask what they are looking for in each other, Are "we" getting to know each other so that we can eventually produce a better relationship? Are "we" seeing other people? Are "we" just going to do things for fun? Are "we" going to just go with the flow? Do "we" want things to eventually escalate?  BE CAREFUL, how you approach this question to the person you are dating because it can either scare them away from you, rush things or confuse things. So NO, at this point you don't need a title. Let nature take its course and continue getting to know each other before moving too fast. Refer to my previous blog-  "Don't rush the relationship, Get to Know each other." I think that as long as you come to an agreement that is compromising to the both of you and you agree to a way of doing things then, baby steps. 


If You've Been Dating For Almost A Year or Over-  Baby steps at this point with not even a boyfriend/girlfriend reference might be pushing it a little too long. I know if your committed to that person and only seeing that person then a title isn't necessary, but a boyfriend/girlfriend title is comfort to a lot of people. You see security with the title and a larger respect for each other. You  no longer become that person the he/she is messing with, but you end up someone he/she is proud to call her man or his woman. They want to show you off and feel comfortable doing it. So, my suggestion at this point of the relationship, determine if your boyfriend/girlfriend or move on. Don't mislead the other person for a whole year either, because it does take a lifetime before you can actually get to know someone fully, so waiting for that I don't know him/her well enough excuse might be a dumb idea and you should let them move on if you were never interested in a serious relationship to begin with. 


You are Boyfriend/Girlfriend- If you've only been bf/gf for a year, don't rush to the alter.. I've said this before. There is no rush in this. TO many it is just a piece of paper that proves the unity of two people binding their love together and to others its a way of proving their commitment to each other. I think, that a marriage is a complicated subject because I have contradicting opinions at times. Sometimes, I believe a marriage gets to peoples heads and let that ruin their relationship. Others, appreciate the marriage to live their lives together the way they always have. Many cases a baby, possibility of losing each other, legalization, loneliness, fear, and soft vulnerable hearts rush people to the alter and most likely end in divorce. Like I have said previously and I will repeat to you is that, let things just happen. If your love is large enough and marriage is something that occurs because you naturally want to spend the rest of your life with someone, and will work hard enough to save that marriage through anything, then great. But make sure your not doing it just for the title.


Finally, are titles necessary? In the beginning, No. All it does at the first stages is ruin relationships because your so focused on the title your forget about learning the great things about each other. After a few years or so have passed, then Yes. You can't be just a friend with benefits that long.




Yours Truly,
xoxoxoxox
      V

"Women lie, Men lie"

What Constitutes The Limits To a Lie?

The truth is everyone lies whether we like to accept the reality of it or not. A lot of times it has nothing to do with keeping a secret, but because not all things need to be told. I think:  That if your bf/gf had to change up a story or just not mention something to you over various amounts of times, it is probably because he/she knows that telling you the whole truth means, an argument, and just so that you stay happy and don't make anything into a big deal then as far as I'm concerned I wouldn't say anything either. 

d

I know when your being lied to over and over and the lies are escalated to a cheater, a thief or a completely 100% non-lovable individual... Then here's why they lie......Because you make it to easy for them to do so. 

1. *If he/she is cheating on you its because you either failed at being a good bf/gf or your so blind to have missed the signs that it was too easy to do it. 
2. * If he/she is lying about their whereabouts its probably because you were too controlling in the first place and you made it difficult to have freedom.
3. *If he/she are repulsive liars and insensitive then maybe you genuinely have a jerk who doesn't deserve you.

The bottom line is that I am not implying that a liar has a reason to lie, because some liars are just compulsive jerks who have no consideration for the person they are with.

However, my OPINION why people lie is because they are too afraid to approach the truth of being judged or treated differently. 

AND

Because we just and most simply CAN.

Nothing can justify a true lie, once you lied you've already lied.. No need to keep thriving off that lie. Lying becomes natural to a disease..when you do it so much it can consume your life and the only way your happy is if the natural born lies are created into daily aspects. Don't do this to yourself nor be around someone who is like this. The negative future that is ahead of you is a interference of true and sincere happiness.

A WHITE LIE:

There has been constant argument that a white lie is still a lie and no matter what, you should be punished for it. I disagree. I think that some things in a relationship are better kept unsaid. I don't think the person you are with has to know every little thought in your brain. Example: If your girl looks fat in her jeans and ask you if she does, you'll probably say, "baby you look great." I don't think that is too bad of a lie to argue about. Its natural and she probably knows she looks fat anyway because she wouldn't have been asking you if she thought she looked sexy in her outfit. I think that there is some mental space and opinionated situations that should and is acceptable to be kept to yourself.

I do not encourage compulsive liars, I do not agree with cheaters, I do not think that you should create scenarios to pretend one thing never happened.. but....

A lot of times lies are created because someone is too controlling, not there for you like they should be or just simply because they don't really love you or your too far from them to care if it hurts you. Some lies are cries for attention and those are signs to wake up and take care of the home front. 

Really, I can't tell you exactly why people lie... the truth of the matter is..Everyone does it.

Yours Truly,

XOXOXOXO

V

Why would you want love that doesn't really exist

Dear Readers:

  In most current successes in life, I have learned to gain the utmost respect for those who are able to withstand a failing and dead-end relationship. In too many cases I have been the witness to a marriage and a relationship where only one person is actually in love and the other is just there, to be there. 

The Big Question? WHY?

For the ones who fall  in love...

It makes no sense to force someone into a relationship where they are unable to love you the same way you love them. The truth is that everyday your together is everyday you are living a lie.  You might be truly and completely in love/infatuated/ obsessed/ in lust or whatever it is, but  if the other person only wanted you for one thing to begin with, and it was clear that in the beginning a relationship was not apart of the agenda.... You should just let go.  If its love and its meant to be, it will come back, otherwise if they said they don't love you... guess what?  They don't.

In every heart there is a maze and a question, its really hard for many individuals to really be themselves 100%, and sometimes it takes that one person to love you more than you need them to, just so that hidden person in you is brought out to shine. It's unfortunate that in many cases that love doesn't become mutual, but you were probably sent to be in that persons life for that specific purpose. I don't want to say that the way things turn out is Karma, but there has been reason to believe that a heart is broken because you were the one who broke a heart in the past. Love is giving a person your heart fully, trusting them enough not to break your heart....but more importantly to always keep it. 

I think....

That when love is sincere, mutual, patient, kind, warm, and not rushed one bit.. Its when it becomes the most successful. I have this way of thinking now, and its let nature take its own course. Whats meant to be just happens! We are human, we make mistakes and sometimes it takes a few lessons and heartbreaks to understand the true virtue of love.. and that is what ultimately makes it special. You gain the trust of a friendship without a secret motive of making this person yours, but simply knowing them as a person, slowly you produce a relationship that is strong enough to build itself, with trust, honesty, sincerity, and passion.. that creates love... not an attachment.

In the end,

Love can't pretend to love you

Love can't lie to you,

Love doesn't want you to find it,

it wants you to feel it...

Love isn't going to make you second guess,

Love doesn't become something you thirst,

Love is patient,

Love is kind,

Love will sometimes hurt,

Love will challenge you,

Love will embrace you...

Love catches you off guard. 

Love is never rushed or altered.

Yours Truly, 

XOXOX

V

You Think He/She Is "The One," but Your Not As Ready As You Think

2.

You Want To Settle Down; But You're Not So Ready Yourself

 I am almost certain that many who are fresh out of college and "ready" to start their career, haven't really reached that mental capacity of being able to withstand the pressure of a career. You are sitting at the desk desperately hoping that you've learned enough to actually provide the company with the knowledge you think you've obtained. In most cases, we sell ourselves in the interview and just wing it once we have finally entered into the field.

This is exactly how relationships are played out. You meet an attractive person and tell them everything they want to hear to get you to like them and then the "invisible checklist" is mentally created to determine whether you are a hit it and quit it, hasta la bye bye hook up or a keeper.

Here's the deal:

 You want to make this person yours but the things that you expect from them, aren't things that you possess yet, but they do. For example:

> He/She is obviously ready to be in a serious relationship. They don't party with their friends like they used to, they chill at home instead of having a beer, they are attentive to answering to your calls and messages, and etc.... However, you aren't as relaxed as this person. You think your ready for someone who is like this and want a relationship with them, but guess what? You still club with your friends every weekend, you whether have a beer with the guys instead of hanging with your girl or bringing her along, you wait a few hours or days to reply. Why? Because physically and emotionally you are being selfish of holding on to a relationship your are obviously not ready for and just want someone by your side. In reality, your not ready to committ to him/her at this time and it isn't fair to act like you are.


> I know that you see this person to be your happy ending, but nothing can be forced or rushed if it isn't meant to be... Naturally your just supposed to know .. not think you know.


Yours Truly


V <3

Your Whats Best for Him/Her, but He/She Wants The Person Who Continuously Breaks Their Heart

     It is such an infelicitous feeling when the person you are so into prefers to be with someone you know will not treat them right. This is common with woman, they want to be with the guy who cheated and who in most cases provides a challenge. Being with someone, man or woman, who is much more becoming than someone who is nothing but flawed gives you absolute vulnerability. 

 

Allow me to explain.

I've written a similar blog but this kind of digs deeper.

It is a fight between the good/bad guy. Here's a scenario. 

Guy/Girl A is the Good guy and Guy/Girl B is the "bad" guy.

A is always there for you to wish you a good day, makes you smile when your sad, will do anything for you financially, physically and anything attainable by his or her own will. They never miss a phone call and never keep you waiting for a text or blow you off when they say you'll do something.

B might be M.I.A a whole day and not bother give you a call but shoot you a text instead to say hi. It's not that you can't depend on this person to help you with anything, but this is the person your too afraid to show your true emotions too because your trying so hard to be with him/her. You'll always get cancelled dates but to you it doesn't matter and your still excited for the next one.

This is what I mean about the challenge, man or woman most of the time you need someone to keep it interesting. A just gives it all to you and never keeps you guessing, however, B is simply not interested in only you and has other things going on but you still keep fighting for that love and affection knowing very well your going to fall on your "a**" and get hurt. 

So, reader, your question is why? Why does this person prefer to be with someone who doesn't feel the same about them? I like to believe it has something to do with the, "Always be with someone who loves you more than you'll love them." Good Guy/Girl A can care to the end of this world for you, but you won't open up your arms and let them in because you want that equal love.. they want to feel that happy ever after feeling, even if it means he/she is head over heals for someone who could never treat them the right way.

It is an intriguing idea to most people to love someone who keeps you guessing, men/women feed off of drama. If you don't have that drama you don't have a story. No matter how much someone wants to be insanely happy with someone who loves them, they also want that little mistreatment or beyond interest. Its a reason beyond me, however it is what it is.

My advice to you is to not try and sit there and try to get B to love you and Take A as quick as you can because he/she really cares. And if your A or B, A don't let the person stuck in between bad and good guy use you, be careful... It was probably never about the love to him/her and he/she needed something you can't give him/her and it's not meant to be. If your B, dude wake up because you might be losing a good one and he/she just might find someone 10X better than you and you'll be sitting there wondering, what if?

Your Truly

Xoxox

Viviana

What happen the kind of love that makes your knees weak?

We all yearn for the day when we will find that special someone who can truly and immensely complete us. Over the centuries, the meaning of love has been diminished. Too often as human beings we have taken for granted what it really means to value someone as a person and love them for who they are. The meaning of love has faded and has become this promiscuous word that is thrown around, from relationship to relationship. Altogether we have given up on love and just started to settle for less or not enough.


Before my grandparents time, most marriages were arranged and somehow that was okay. I believe arranged marriages functioned because after these two people were forced to be together, they had the time to get to know each other and their similarities. Somehow, they would find a reason for happiness. Not saying that in every situation then is true, however, they made it work. 


Now, a relationship like my Grandparents in Puerto Rico, they met and fell in love. The beauty of their love is that they met in a time where things weren't perfect. They both shared their flaws and they were accepted. Arguments and disagreements didn't result in a divorce, it resulted into a stronger love because they had the patience to work through things. 


In our day in age, being with one person for the rest of your life seems to be an outrageous idea. Its sad really, because to have sex with one person and to be committed to loving one person through thick and thin is much harder than giving up and walking away; even if it means you ignore the way the person makes you feel inside. What happen to the feeling where your stomach starts turning when you see each other, the excitement of hearing his/her voice on the phone, the anticipation of spending another day together and the love that makes your knees go weak and your eyes tear? We've blocked love, we don't let it happen anymore because we're scared. 


We're afraid of needing someone, depending on someone and getting used to that person being around us all the time; that we've lost sight of the things that make love happen. Get to know everything about each other, learn what they hate and love, hold them when they are at their worse, celebrate with them when their at their absolute best and finally let them be there for you. If you don't make time for that person and avoid everything that will cause you to feel anything remotely close to love; guess what, you'll never feel love.


Some have been hurt, lied to and betrayed; but the truth is, that was not love. If someone had the decency to hurt you, to keep a lie from you and take advantage of your heart; that isn't someone who ever loved you to begin with. You need to open up your heart and allow that 19th Century love feeling back into reality, it isn't fiction and it isn't always the same for someone.


Love happens at different ages, random moments you might never expect; it hits you when your guard is down and it tests you more than life can ever imagine. That's the beauty of love. To grasp this love is what your best bet is, don't let it slip through your fingers! Sink into the quick sand and take a risk. You don't ever wanna let go of love, because when you figured out what love really was when it doesn't work out with someone else, love won't want you back. 


You do things right, open your heart and appreciate the person your with and learn to love everything about them, I can guarantee you that the weak in the knees, you can barely speak feeling will hit you so unexpectedly that your heart almost feels like it hurts.


Yours Truly,
Xoxoxoxo
Viviana

Social Life or Your Child?

A Man Who Chooses To Party Over Spending a Weekend With His Child; IS NOT A MAN!

I truly  100% wanted to avoid talking about this topic because I feel like I would only be providing a bias opinion. I will try my best to respond to this blog concern without including my personal emotional attachment; hard but possible.. so Here we go!

• If he doesn't call to ask how the baby is doing
• If he doesn't give you money for diapers, wipes, food, etc..
• If he only sees his child once a month, week, year or hasn't at all
• If he rather be on a date or go to the club one weekend then be with his kids

If he makes excuses all the time for little to no reason at all,

HE'S A STUPID DEADBEAT DAD

I don't think there is any reason at all a father should come up with reasons why seeing their children isn't a "convenient" time for them. For a reason beyond me, I cannot understand why a man feels that he has zero obligation to take care of a child he clearly conceived. I feel a man like that is selfish, immature, ridiculous and an idiot. I know some men can't control when they are able to see their children, but take the initiative to be there when your most needed for your child with all feelings to the side towards your "baby momma." 

I say MAN UP and take care of your responsibilities. I don't think there is a reason or explanation why a man can be so negligent and insensitive. There's no reason why he should have an excuse or a reason. It disgusts me to see a child be denied, ignored, forgotten or left. 

As for the ladies, don't worry about a man who doesn't care to be there for your child. The law is behind you and all you have to do is put him on child support and never have to deal with him ever again. If he doesn't want to be there than that's his problem, he is the only one who will feel as if he were less of a man when his own child denies him when he needs him/her. Be strong and look towards the future and worry about explaining things to your children when they are MUCH older. For now, all you can do is smile, be grateful for the amazing children God has placed in your arms and love them eternally. 

Yours Truly,

XOXOXO

Vivian

Jealousy Is A Disease; GET WELL SOON!

Jealousy Means No Trust, No Trust Means No Relationship

 I've heard almost every excuse of a jealous person, I've been a jealous person in my past and I've seen what jealousy can do to a relationship. The pain almost becomes unbearable and the excuses for jealousy grow larger and larger that in a way, it consumes you and everything you stand for. There is a limit to jealousy and a limit to how you approach it.

I believe there are many approaches to jealousy and many different ways to pinpoint when enough is enough. Here are a few points that I'd like to make clear.

1. He/She tells you "It hurts to imagine you with anyone else," well, if he/she doesn't want to see that happen then reminding you constantly of his/her insecurities will drive the person to exactly that, if the persistence becomes overbearing. Your response should clearly be that in most obvious ways your already theirs, so not trusting you enough to believe that can escalate to more serious issues.
2. He/she has the password to everything and checks your phone constantly or screens your calls. First of all, if the person hasn't given you a reason to not trust him/her, STAY OUT! I cannot stress how much this absolutely irritates me. If you want to see something ask, but there is no more of an obsessive act then that. If they have to look through your things to make sure your "faithful" someone needs to seriously rethink the relationship.
3. Restricts you from dressing a certain way or talking to certain people. Look, if they are secure with the relationship it should NOT be an issue. If you look "too sexy" one day then they should be happy to be holding you in their arms and be proud.... If your prohibited from talking to some family or friends then obviously someone is becoming way to controlling.
4. Abusive jealousy, if someone hits you.. he/she doesn't honestly love you! There is no reason in this world why abuse should be an expression of love nor jealousy. Jealousy is not an excuse to be abusive. Abuse is unacceptable, especially because someone just doesn't trust you.

There are several different examples of jealousy and why every form of it is unacceptable. Your relationship will fail or you will be miserable for a very long time. Small jealousy like, you saw an attractive person talking to your guy/girl and you mention to your guy/girl that you didn't feel comfortable with it because there was some flirting , then okay... but if it's friendly conversation then relax. Be comfortable in your own skin and trust the person you are with. If you think someone is going to cheat on you, it will be done regardless if your jealous actions take place or not. You can't stop a cheater but you can be wise and secure with yourself and if you have to move on then you move on. 

Yours Truly

Xoxo

Vivian

Family Intervenes With Your Relationship? What happens when they can't agree?

Through experience and the stories of many of my loved ones, when a family gets in the middle of a relationship, someone needs to put their foot down or get over it. 

The truth is: When the family gets involved with your relationship 90% of the time, it probably isn't going to work. The reasons are clear, someone is too afraid to speak up and let themselves be lead by the decisions of others or your not grown enough to handle your own situations. I'm going to approach this from two different perspectives, the person being driven by the family and the person who was "victimized" by the other family.

First of all, when your family really dislikes someone you are dating it's your responsibility of how you handle the situation. It completely depends on how you feel about the individual. Its simple, if you truly care and or love this person, screw what your family says. You need to fight for the person you care about no matter what anyone says about them. In any situation it honestly doesn't matter what the reasonings are. Stand up for what you believe is best for you. In the end nobody's feelings matter but your own, so if your too naive or prideful to determine who you should agree with, you just might lose the person who's meant to spend the rest of your life with you. Do not let your parents/siblings/cousins/aunts etc... come into your relationship and tell you how to do things, when to do them, whats right and/or wrong. It's none of their business, especially if your a man! Dude, MAN UP! Stand up for your woman and don't allow anyone to disrespect your relationship just because they believe your life should be lived the way they think is true.

As for the person being "victimized" don't and I repeat DON'T allow yourself to be contained nor controlled in this relationship. If the other persons family is over interactive or simply just NOSY  say something. Either to your boyfriend/girlfriend or the family who gives way too much opinion that isn't needed. If it doesn't change and it becomes something your significant other isn't stepping up to the plate to protect, then leave. Try to move far away from them, limit family phone calls and learn how to separate your love life from your family life.

Now, if your both just in a relationship where the only problem is disapproval and it is clear that you are both in love. Don't pull a Romeo and Juliet and kill yourself, but escape that and talk it out with your families and if they are unable to deal with it, then simply their problem and its time to live your life. I do not encourage Teens to this same advice, I am suggesting this to grown individuals clearly seeking to be comforted with someone who they genuinely and sincerely care about.

Any questions? IM me, or respond to this blog.. CLICK FOLLOW :)

Yours Truly,

XOXO

Vivian

Don't Rush The Relationship, Get To Know Each Other Please :D

Don't think your the only one who has made this mistake or has thought about "jumping the gun" way too soon. It's our mistake as loving creatures to want someone there for you that you can call yours to love. It's okay to want that love, but when the relationship is forced or rushed, things might not turn out so hot. I have a few points why the relationship becomes a bigger challenge if this is the case.


1. You just started dating- You just started dating not even a month yet and have already considered each other boyfriend/girlfriend. GIVE IT TIME, geez what's the rush. Find out each others intentions obviously, but don't do that.


2. Your a couple for only a few months- and you've already started saying I love You, talking about marriage and names for future kids, this would really send me the other way, so I'm sure many other people do.. That scares people.


3. Moved in with each other not knowing each other for more than a year- Truth is, that is not enough time to know someone and your in for a treat. If you thought you knew someone, you don't until you've lived with them. You'll find out what you dislike about the person and just cant bear with.


4. Your married in a year- What's the rush to the alter? Sometimes this is a problem more with the ladies, giving the man hints of rings at jewelery stores and worse is when given an ultimatum, those usually end in divorce.


What's my point? 


My point is, PLEASE get to know the person really well before you decide to commit. It might seem all peachy now, but make sure you've seen them at their worse, accept them at their ugliest, understand their bad habits, accept their flaws, and make them your best friend first. If you have found someone that you can talk to, not hide any secrets, never afraid to approach them and you know they won't judge you for your mistakes or support all your ideas.. than you can make it serious. Get to know the little things, like an unusual birth mark or one leg longer than the other. LOL , just take it one day at a time and you'll know when the timing is right.
Don't take your sweet time either, don't date someone for a year and still consider them just someone your talking to, I think by than you might need some kind of Title. Don't hold on to anything for too long, because the person waiting, isn't going to wait forever.


Yours Truly

XOXOXOX


Vivian 

"Friends with Benefits" , Just Doesn't Work!

:Now that you've watched the trailer to the upcoming movie; you can see I'm not the only person who thinks it doesn't work: :)

Ladies and Gentleman,

        It is to my utmost discretion to absolutely avoid any type of circumstance that will risk the weaknesses of the heart. Although it may seem like a good idea at the moment to have "benefits" without the commitment, someone eventually is going to fall for the other person. It is natural that we as human beings start to develop feelings for someone, but when your at the edge between losing the company of the person who has made you feel so great for a long while, it becomes difficult to speak the truth.

First of all, when a sexual relationship is established and its clear that nobody wants a relationship or has mentioned looking for a relationship, you just learn to enjoy each others company and hope that it doesn't end in disaster. So, when its just about sex, let it be just about sex. Don't go out on dates, worry about each others feelings, meet the families, or lead the other person to thinking that you actually care. A "booty call" is what your supposed to be, leave it at that.

Now, if it just so happen that you were searching for only "sex" but then realize that being a relationship with this person is something you would really like to happen, my suggestion to you is to say something. Be careful that you don't react to your feelings to soon, you could scare the other person depending on your approach. Just say, "I've really started to enjoy your company and I think we should take our relationship to the next level and see how that works out," or something along those lines.

My advice to you reader: The most you can ever do is be you, and if you know you, you know what the extremity of your limits are. So, if you think your heart will mix up into the depth of things, "friends with benefits" isn't going to work. In fact, it never works. Its either one or both people end up getting hurt or the relationship will become something bigger, either way it doesn't work.
Just make it clear from the beginning what your looking for, instead of playing hide and seek with your heart and emotions.
Yours Truly,
xoxoxo
Vivian

"I'm Your Girlfriend Not Your Babysitter, GROW UP"

Things You Shouldn't Expect Your Girlfriend To Do For You, Just Because Your Not Mature

Ladies, this has to be one of the things that make our faces turn the other way. When a man can't hold his own ground or continuously insists that we be their "mommy" its time to step away and tell them to "Grow Up!" Here is a list of things, as a woman, I believe a man shouldn't expect from a woman, nonetheless, do for themselves.

1. Pay A Mans Bills-  There is nothing wrong with your girlfriend helping you once in a while if you are struggling in this tough economy, but do not expect us to pay for EVERY meal, EVERY bill, EVERY little thing your heart desires or keep track of your bills and have to constantly remind you what needs to be paid. 

2.Tell Them To Cook Something The Way Mommy Makes It- Please do not tell your girlfriend how much you want her to do things the way your mom did them for you! Especially cooking, its okay to get away with a few recipes here and there, but, when a dish is made and you send it back saying it doesn't taste like your mom's, then we have a problem. 

3.Take Initiative- Woman don't like to be bossed around, but I can speak for most when I say, we hate making all the decisions. Do us a favor and be a man, when we need you to stand up for us, take us on spontaneous dates; rather then us always trying to make things interesting and please take control of difficult situations and let your girlfriend know you are there for her.


4.If you live together; clean!- You can not actually expect the lady to do everything around the house, we are in a new day of age. Women actually work, go to school and worry about many other responsibilities, therefore, you can pick up a dish or at least clean up after yourself. Like I said before, we are not your mothers.


5. He's Playing Games, ALL day- Your girlfriend wants to spend time with you, but your constantly on your PS3 or Xbox! Do not expect her to sit around accepting that your still acting like a teen, she'll need a man , so start acting like one.


6.He Wants To Be With His Friends- There is nothing wrong with being with the guys and spending time with them. Space is definitely needed, however, when your with your girl and its one on one time with her; DO NOT bring your guys with you all the time, we are not in high school anymore so stop acting like it.  


Gentleman, these are only a few things that drive us ladies crazy. Ladies, what am I missing? Your girl will get frustrated with you and leave. 


Xoxo
Yours Truly,
ViviNana

"Its The Inside That Counts"

"People always say its what is in the inside that counts. Is that why men just want go inside no matter the appearance"

Although this was said jokingly, this is how most women feel. I can't speak too much on behalf of men on this subject, but what do we look for in someone, if no matter what, we'll always find imperfection? 

So, no matter what happens, we all eventually want to have Mr./Mrs Right sitting next to us when we get old. Someone you know will always love you and fight through the struggles of life together. The truth is, nobody is perfect. 

So what do we look for? Ladies this is what I think we should look for:

1. Sincerity - You want someone who is going to be able to be sincere when you are at your at your best/worse. Don't stay with someone who doesn't want to be there for you. For example, we see this in movies: If your dog is being put to sleep, maybe he should be there with you. 

2. Genuine - Look for someone who is free from pretense and hypocrisy. Example: if he says he won't  lie to you and does. 

3. Patience - Someone who doesn't rush you into things. Example: Sex

4. Acceptance - He doesn't try to change you or if your a mother, accepts that    have you kids.

If he's sexy and possesses all of these qualities, that's a plus. However, there is many other things you should pay attention to. Or at least, I would. Make sure he's a clean person. Filthy men who don't take care of their own bodies or houses is a big no no. If you want a relationship, learn about his family, ask questions and get to know him. You might and will find things about him you don't like. Ladies, do not be over analytical about the little things that could obviously change if a potential relationship were to escalate. Although, if you see red flags that pertain to screaming, abuse or anything that shows he will not treat you right. RUN! Especially, extreme jealousy. Please don't look back. He is not going to change.

Ladies look for someone who can truly love you for you and nothing else. 

I really don't know what men look for... So, At this point I'll take it for a whirl:

1. Be a Lady - I don't think men are looking for a ghetto, filthy mouthed, promiscuously dressed individual. He wants someone he can introduce to his mom and be proud to call his girl

2. Jealousy - Don't question him about everything, there is nothing a man hates more than feeling controlled by a woman. 

3. Support - They want someone to be supportive of their lives, dream or ideas. Don't put them down. 

I don't know anything else a man wants, I think if I did , I wouldn't be single. Hahaha 

So, GENTLEMAN please help me out with this for our lady readers, what does a man look for in a woman to make it official? If the inside is what counts then what is it woman are doing wrong?

Yours Truly,
XoXo
Vivian

She's Cheating on You Because Your Too Good/Nice

Truth Is: Woman Like  A Challenge

Dear Good Guys:

      For many years I have heard this be a constant reminder to men to not be nice at all. I'd like to say that the reason you are being cheated is on; is because your being too nice. Don't get me wrong, its a great quality to be a nice guy, but don't be "overnice." When a woman knows she can have you, can pull the strings and do whatever she wants, its exactly what she will do. Reason being, she knows that you'll be right there even if she did wrong. I'd say your choosing the wrong girls and you simply need to look beyond beauty, and find someone who can sincerely treat you the way you should be treated, but....

If the problem is your too good/nice, I say get a backbone and be a jerk. Yes, be a jerk to the girl. Do not be an abusive "asshole," but be the guy she has to look for to get a date. 

Problem #1  You make yourself too available: She calls you at random times to pour her heart out and you never miss her call, she asks you to go do stuff for her and you do it, she can come see you whenever she wants and your always going to be there...Finally, she tells you about her MONEY problems and you fix them. (Gold-digger)

      Solution: Don't always worry about her calling you or how she is feeling, go out with your boys and live your life. It doesn't always have to be about her. However, if she doesn't do it often and she wants to talk, give her a few minutes to talk, but don't try to be her dad and solve the issues of her world.

Don't always be at her service, she has to legs and two feet; let her do it for herself

Don't have such an open door policy, your not married, she doesn't have to be all over you.

Problem #2 She continues to lie to you and you forgive her: Don't be stupid, she is pulling your strings because she knows exactly how to make her puppet talk. 

      

Problem #3 She never picks up your calls, but will text you: She's out doing things she doesn't want you to hear, and you still accept the "I Miss You" texts.

I'm not going into all of the signs, but I will tell you this. It is okay to be nice, because we like that a man is able to listen to us when we want to rant and be there for us intimately, emotionally and can joke around with us to just have fun. I'm not saying to be a complete jerk either, don't be the guy that has sex with the girl and not call the next day. 

I'm simply saying not to make it all about her, when you are able to make your other life priorities important,besides her. She'll be crawling for your attention and care much more. It is sad, but true.  But, if she cheats move one.  

Every woman is different, and there might be other reasons why she cheated, but good guys always finish last. 

My verdict. 

Felt like I left something out?! Tell me about it

xoxoxo 

Yours Truly

Vivian